One singular sensation? *pffft* I’ll believe it when I see it…

I’m watching “A Chorus Line” (the movie version, not a taped version of the stage show) and man I just don’t get it. These songs SUCK!!

And I’m trying my darndest to judge them after taking into account my personal music preferences which include a marked absence of synth-drums spewed from the bowels of hell circa 1983. I’m talking about the songs themselves– they’re… bad. Maybe they get better later on? Right now the black guy is singing that “Surprise” song. But so far? Oh God. Just tripe. Boring tripe. With crappy lyrics. Just awful. And 93% of these people can’t sing their way out of a Ziplock!

Like this “Val” woman in the peach bikini thing? Oh geez. Acting like this makes me want to run away from the theatre forever just in case I might have to see acting like this in person. Actually: *meeting* someone like this in real life is worse than seeing it faked on stage. Oh God, Valeries. All of you: Please please please stay far away from me.

The dancing in this movie, on the other hand, is super cool. I’m very impressed– some people can just *move*, you know? Too bad most of the acting is so far from pedestrian it’s still toddling.

And the costumes (ie. the actors’ “audition clothes”) are fun to see. Don’t like them as much as the clothes in “All That Jazz” (which I watched last night). At least both the 70s and the 80s provided the world with an equal abundance of materials and cuts that are unflattering to the booty. Unless, you know, you like a rear end that looks 47″ high.

Also: all these people are so painfully too-old to be saying they’re the ages they are. Either that or something about being 24 in 1985 made EVERYONE mysteriously gain a minimum of 10 years in the face.

Dude in the blue tank and flesh-toned pants needs to find some slightly larger pants. *shudders* Ain’t nobody in here needs to be looking that far up your colon. And Cassie? In the frizzy hair “Let Me Dance For You” scene? Time to lop that nonsense off.

Come on, Attenborough. You can do better than this garbage. Er… right?

Okay. It’s over. Only song really worth watching: the last one. And the part where they walk up to the mirrors and then walk away with their “reflections” and it just keeps growing? Yeah– that was cool. But uh: just that.

I’m watching one of the extra features now. The guy who wrote the music is talking about the show. He’s cocky. Don’t like him.


History’s 10 Most Horrifying Contraceptives: “… Again, you have to remember that ancient civilizations existed mainly to disgust the future.”

And, courtesy of James’s Stumbling: lookatthisdog on Flickr


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