“They will give it a pat on the back and the cow will go away crying.”

“Never explain–your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway.”
Elbert Hubbard

“The price one pays for pursuing any profession or calling is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side.”
James Baldwin

“Setting a good example for children takes all the fun out of middle age.”
William Feather


I was so excited about this morning. I got up at the same time I always do, but somehow managed to get out the door seven minutes earlier than usual! I was going to stop for a coffee at McDonald’s on the way in, do a little emailing before work– it was going to be great.

This dream? Dashed to pieces.

I’m in the garage pressing my door opener button, and nothing’s happening. I pull up to the door, hop out, and press the garage door opener attached to the door itself, but still nothing’s happening. Crap.

I went upstairs to find the number for the facility manager. Got his voicemail. Natch. His message contains an alternate number for emergencies, however, so I call that and get him at home and explain the situation. By this time I’m back downstairs and there’s another girl trying to get out.

So Matt… or Mike… I think it’s Matt… walks me through where the maintenance ladder is kept over by the boiler, which cord on the door to pull, which part will swing down when it releases so I’m not standing under it, which this to pull, which that to push, and then I’m supposed to physically lift this massive, industrial garage door. :P

So I get the ladder out and the other girl gets out of her car (To see if I need help? To mop the sweat from my brow? To commiserate?) when we hear the mechanism for the door make some internal whirring sound. I’ve just put the ladder in place so I take it down and we both run in case it’s someone about to drive in from outside- you know, like maybe their controller was able to activate the door?- but luckily there was no one there. The fool thing had just started working on its own. For no reason. When no one was pushing any buttons. :S

So I put a dust pan in front of the sensor to keep the door *propped* open and we both took off before it might decide to just close for the heck of it the same way it had arbitrarily opened with no coaxing.

And that’s why I was late this morning. I promise.


Florida School Security Officer Tasers 11-Year-Old Girl: What’s’a matter with people? Who taught that girl she could behave that way? *sigh* Read the article. Bitch had it coming to her.

Lawyer: Woman Forced to Remove Nipple Rings at Airport: This is stupid and embarrassing. What decade are these TSA agents stuck in? #1 for requiring her to remove them, and #2 for laughing about it. Idiots. Poor woman…

FOUND: In Hevan: Sad. Sweet. Us.

FOUND: Hi! My Name Is Freedom: Funny Comments.

Women Are People Too: What Susan B. Anthony knew that Gloria Steinem doesn’t.

Dallas Can’t Close Strip Club Where Girl, 12, Danced: I know some girls can look pretty mature even at a very young age, but come on! 12?! How tall was this chick and how huge were her boobs that *anybody* mistook her for being 18??

Raul Castro: Cubans Can Have Cell Phones: I– what? They couldn’t have cell phones before? What? How can– what?! *Gah!*

I can’t get over this guy. I can’t figure out what to think. I know he’s a YouTube *celebrity* and whatever for being… like this… but how do this many people sit through this many of his videos this many times for him to ever achieve this celebrity? YouTube… what a strange…


Breakfast: Water, Cheddar Cheese Sandwich Crackers, Water, Coffee, Water

Lunch: (Unintentionally) Soft Boiled Egg Salad on Super Duper 89 Seed Mega-Dense Flax Colon Blow Bread (Official Name), lemonade

I’ve consumed so much water the past few days it’s a wonder the town’s not issuing shortage notices.

*I will be healthy I will be healthy I will be healthy I will…*


Ladies: Another try for tonight? Movie or something at my place? I have “The Darjeeling Limited,” “Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger,” and “Scrooged,” and a hankerin’ for some Topper Stix, speakin’ o’ being healthy…


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