The title is the hardest part

Had an audition today. My hopes are low, but it was great getting out of the house, out of the ‘sha. They said they’d let me know one way or the other fairly soon (my last audition with them they let me know the very next day), but I think I already know…

The upsides? Auditioned opposite an awesomely talented actor, two very nice, pretty, and far-cooler-than-I women chatted with me in the lobby, and the woman directing the show hugged me hello. I know nice people do nice things like that to everyone all the time, but when I spend so much time by myself and then meet those nice people and they do those nice things to me it just throws me completely for a loop and makes me happier than I can stand and I absolutely love it.


Inside Bella Caffe'

Met up with Parmanifesto at Bella’s afterwards. For as excited as I get at the prospect of seeing him you’d think I’d make ways to do so more often. *sigh* I am a lazy ass. Anyway- while there I enjoyed a yummy (but pricey!) pumpkin spice latte, the last several swallows of which I had to leave behind in my cup because they were *chunky,* for lack of a better word. It was fantastically hot and tasty up ’til then, though. But boy that’ll teach me to splurge when I really can’t afford to do so; the real thing is rarely as good as one’s memories of it. :P

*Geh* My hands still reek from pulling mounds of wet, sloppy onions off the turkey sandwich I bought there. *shudder* What’s wrong with people?! Onions? Piles of them?? On an otherwise delicious sub?! Boggles the mind.

Which way?

Which way?

Stopped at the library on the way home. First thing to greet me was a $20 bill lying in the middle of the main entryway. I brought it to the front desk so the owner could claim it and apparently if no one does so in the next 30 days then they call me up and the twenty is mine. Woo hoo! That’s heat for a week! :D

Picked up a PBS documentary on Frank Lloyd Wright and “Parlez-vous Francais? Learning French: The Basics.” Here’s to a rockin’ good time in front of the TV with Alfred tonight. Perhaps even better than last night’s “Murder, She Wrote” 4 episode marathon, including the Season 3 “Magnum PI” crossover. Ooh that Jessica Fletcher. She’s a crafty old gal!

I currently owe the Waukesha Public Library $6. $2 for a documentary about the Kindertransports, $3 for a documentary about living with/dying of AIDS in the 80s, and $1 for a Vincent Price flick. Yeesh.

Had an interview for an office job yesterday afternoon. Remembered to remove my nose stud and put my phone on silent. Two points for me! The typing test, which featured a missing-word-typo, threw me a bit by requiring a double space at the end of each sentence, and the Excel test marked two of my answers wrong in error. And the Word test? Don’t get me started. What year of Office is this test based on? The 1965 punch card roll out? It went well all-in-all, though. The place is less than 3 miles from my apartment, (Joy!), and the position starts at 8:30 am and lets out at 5 (Rapture!). They said I’ll know within a week or so if I got the job or not. Here’s hopin’.

This onion smell is making me sick and my coffee breath is positively rancid. It’s times like these I’m glad I live alone so I don’t start losing friends over my inadvertent pungency.

Excuse me– 2009?

(Post best viewed here.)

What’s the deal, ’09? I thought we had something good going on here. What’s with the bipolar thing all of a sudden? Last week: Rock awesome. This week? Erm…

Alfred and Patches Takin' a Snooze

Alfred and Patches Takin' a Snooze

Monday: Nada
Nada. Well– except for getting this super cute picture of Patches napping on Alfred.

Tuesday: Did a thing
Did a thing at 1. It was fun. Saw Libby A. and Chris F., which is always nice.

Wednesday: Was an idiot
Had an audition scheduled for noon today with a company I’ve never auditioned for. Very excited. Been looking forward to it for over a month. Had it in all my calendars as being today from noon to three. So this morning? I took my time getting dressed and then messed around online for a while before I realized “Ohmygod! It’s 11:45 am! I shouldn’t leave my place at noon! I should’ve left at eleven!”

How do I do these things? How? So prepared, and then BAM! Accidental idiocy.

I threw mascara in my purse, ran out the door, arrived ten minutes late to the audition wearing no makeup without having done my hair and in clothes I still wasn’t quite sure about, before discovering I only had enough change for 33 minutes in the parking meter for an audition scheduled to last from noon to 3. Luckily, however, I had the foresight to arrive late at the audition. . . so when it ended much earlier than anticipated I returned to my car to find I still had 4 minutes left on the clock.

Wednesday Part 2: Was disappointed
I stopped at Blockbuster on my way home to exchange my most recent rental, “I, the Worst of All,” for my second free rental of the month. I hadn’t been in there for two minutes when my phone rang. It was my contact at the staffing agency that got me last week’s interview. He was calling to say I didn’t get the job.

We talked. It was fine. We hung up. I cried. By myself. In a corner. In the back of Blockbuster. Like a dope.

I left with “Get Smart.”

Thursday: TBD
Come on, Thursday! Please go back to being cool!


Nice things to think about to help keep life in perspective:

Dad 'n' Patches

Dad 'n' Patches

1. Camille Dalmais (Thanks Ben- she’s awesome! And a must-watch. Check out the “Money Note” vid on YT…)
2. Affordably priced vintage style dresses
3. Metric
4. McSweeney
5. Our new president’s favorite movies
6. My celebrity nemesis- for no other reason than that she’s successful solely because she’s attractive- Jessica Alba was nominated for two Worst Actress Razzies; one for “The Love Guru” and the other for “The Eye.”
7. No one and no thing (outside of psychological disorders) can stop you from dreaming. And dreaming? It’s pretty cool.
8. Finding Jesus
9. Neuskool
10. Small acts of rebellyon

Tres Audiciónes

After a weird ’07/’08 theatre slump, in which for the life of me I couldn’t find as much as usual in the local circuit I wanted to audition for, I currently have three auditions coming up in January alone. Sweeeet! Let’s hope that proves to be a trend for the rest of 2009, eh?

And before anybody starts whinin’ or gripin’ or finger waggin’: I had a blast with the shows I did in ’07/’08. I’m not knockin’ ’em. There was just this weird chunk of time in late ’07 and mid ’08 where there weren’t as many options that were enticing to me personally as there generally are around here.

Below is a li’l vloggy vid about the stuff I’ve got coming up. Below *that* is a testament to my inability to present anything in a non-redundant fashion. (Basically I just fleshed out the video with what I actually wanted to say but which I couldn’t capture on video without it getting all  rambly and obnoxious.)

Actually: It *did* get rambly and obnoxious. Go figure. I cut it down from 14 minutes  of thinking out loud, so for those of you who’d feel bad pressing play on the video, but then not finishing it when you saw how freaking LONG it was (but would sit through it anyway just to be nice): You’re welcome.

The Part Where I Repeat What I Just Said In the Video, But More Wordier Like

The first show I’m auditioning for is a farce at a theatre I’ve worked with a few times before and have really enjoyed. I’m excited because if it works out it’ll be tons of fun to work on and loads of laughs to perform in, and that’s an enormous part of why I do theatre in the first place: To have a good time. If it ain’t fun, I ain’t interested. (Not that it has to be a comedy, or that there can’t be hard work, or anything like that. I *heart* dramas and hard work! It’s just got to be worth the time and the money I put into it, and some shows/theatres just aren’t worth the sacrifice.)


Backstage for "The Philadelphia Story"

You can keep your divas and your politics and your drama to yourself, thankyouverymuch. Me? I’m looking to have me a swell old time. And a farce at a great place with wonderful people? What’s sweller than that? Oh man– and jumping from a period comedy in fall to a farce in winter? How fun would that be?!

I only know of one other actor who is also for sure auditioning for this one, but he’s very kickass and funny and all that good stuff, so if I could get into it alongside him and one other fellow I’m also crossing my fingers about, then DAYUM! That’d be an awesome time. :D

The next show I’m auditioning for is a black comedy at a theatre I’ve never worked with before, but with a director I *have* worked with before, so we’ll see how many butterflies I bring with me to that one. It’s a long shot among long shots for me, but I welcome the opportunity with open arms and a big ol’ grin. ‘Cause see– that’s the thing about auditioning for parts that are long shots: That audition may be the closest you ever get to performing in any of those roles, right? So you may as well enjoy every moment of it as much as you can, right? Right.


Half of the "Wait Until Dark" cast... and C.J. ...

The final audition I have coming up is the Milwaukee General Audition near the end of the month. That one’s a bit tricker in that you can’t book a time slot for it until January 19th at 9 am, all the slots are taken by 10 am, and the audition is only about a week later. This translates to having to have headshots printed before you even know if you’ll even need them, monologues prepared which you may not end up using, (though having headshots and monologues at the ready is not a bad thing by any means), and if you’re fortunate enough to be employed *quashes waves of jealousy* then you have to ask off for that entire day long before even the call-in day on 19th, when in the end you may end up being free for work that day after all if no spots are left by the time they get to you.

That MGA… *tsk tsk tsk* She’s a tricksy mistress, no?

The pluses about the MGAs are that you’re allowed to attend for up to two years in a row, there are representatives present from 15-25 theatres, agencies, etc. (16 this year), and even if you don’t get any calls out of it you’re still being seen, and that’s worth a lot.

Just try not to get too bummed out when you find out someone with zero inclination toward acting and no availability that season gets a time slot, and you who act for a living weren’t able to get one. Ha ha, sucka…

I wonder if I could act for a living. Would it alter my perspective on performance to a point that I wouldn’t be able to relax in it as much? Hm. Maybe it would make me enjoy it even more. Hm again.

Question about headshots: I only have 3 or 4 copies left of my headshot, and I need a total of at least 16 by late January for the MGAs. I’m broke as Lindsay Lohan’s moral compass, so going out and getting a bunch of prints made- no matter how good the deal!- is probably out of the question for me at this current time. But I also can’t just pop photo paper into my parents’ printer and expect anything reasonably useable to come out. (Plus they’d be 8 1/2″ x 11″ instead of 8″ x 10″ that way, a definite no-go, and I don’t know if I trust myself with scissors enough to trim them.) Suggestions for affordable alternatives?


ermine-2I had a dream last night where I was outside in the snow and this gorgeous, pure white ferret came running up to me wanting to play. She looked like a standard albino except that her eyes were black and her hair felt more like thick rabbit fur. She was crawling all over me, she came when I called her (her name was Virginia), and she was just the friendliest most charming little mustelid you’ve ever met.

I was with my Mimi at some point shortly after that and we were walking into a house that I believe belonged to people related to us. The house was in total disarray, no one appeared to be inside, and the back door was wide open. When Mimi went to look out the back door to see if our family members were outside, Virginia jumped out of my arms and started running away into one of the nearby bedrooms. I ran in after her and scooped her up before she could get lost in a pile of clothes under the bed. I stood there holding her and laughing, talking that silly talk you use with babies and small animals, when I noticed she now had patches of dark gray in the fur on her belly, had completely lost control of her bowels, and was bleeding.

I started crying and running through the house trying to find Mimi to ask her what I should do while this delicate thing in my hands wriggled and chittered at me. I didn’t know what might’ve happened to her before she’d found me and I’d only had her for a few minutes so I didn’t know if she was ill or had a history of being abused or anything.  Images and conversations began flooding through my brain about her previous owners and I knew they had treated her terribly and had tested different chemicals and drugs and things on her. Not for science, not for medicine. For ignorance; for spite.

In these visions I saw her poor little belly filled with metal and germs. It was sad. It was awful. This poor, soft, defenseless, friendly little thing, bleeding in my hands, was totally unsaveable. God it was just awful.

I woke up before she could die.

And now that I’m depressed over the death of an animal that doesn’t exist, and you’re wondering how we ever became friends in the first place, how ’bout a quick subject change so we can still part on decent terms?


New Year’s resolutions. Got any? List ’em in the comments below. I don’t know as I plan on getting into all that hoo-hah myself, but we’ll see…

Songs from the Depths of Queen Beer Girl von Shadenfreude the 525th


Do you ever feel simultaneously great and like total crap about… um… stuff. Hmmmm. Blogs are awfully public places, non? Perhaps we shall not discuss precisely what it is we are feeling simultaneously great and like total crap about just now, oui?

Class, your word for the day is “schadenfreude.” It is a noun meaning “satisfaction or pleasure felt at someone else’s misfortune.” Please leave a comment using “schadenfreude” in a sentence…

Just finished a bowl of reheated spaghetti with a glass of 1% milk (Walmart was out of Skim that late in the day). My body chilled, my belly filled, I *think* I’m finally ready to write about all the goings on of my past week which I keep promising to tell certain people about but then keep neglecting to write about because I’m lazy.

And kind of a goofus…

And the stories aren’t really that interesting…


Chapter the First: Monday, 12/1

beer-girl-costumeI had an audition last Monday afternoon at a Talent Agency* that signed me up a couple weeks ago.  The audition was for a promotional video to be used in-house by a Beer Company*. My instructions? Show up any time between 9 and 4, be memorized, and look flirty.

Rock on?

So due to computer issues outside their control they can’t get me the script until the night before the audition, I end up showing up closer to 2 pm, my memorization’s out the window because they’ve added a few re-writes I was too dense to incorporate smoothly, and I look… well… You might chat me up at the church picnic, but I’m gonna have to start showing a little leg if I’m going to get you to buy a beer from me.

So it goes.

The read felt like it went pretty well, though, considering it was my first time ever in my life doing something so simple yet UTTERLY NERVE WRACKING. I was one of 8 “be memorized and look flirty”s called by this agency, so it’s nice to know I’m not totally lost in a numbers game, but at the same time: 1) I have no idea how many other agencies read people for it, and 2) I do know that one of the other girls who read for it from mine has totally got this one in the bag because I worked with her at another agency gig the next day and she was talented and adorable and way too cool for anyone to be bummed about her getting the part instead.

I don’t know when we’ll find out for sure how it all played out- it shoots in early January- but I’m already writing this one off as a wash. I mean, it felt fine, but man those would just be some kinda crazy odds I’d have to beat for it to work out, and I’ve never much been favored by lesser likelihoods. (Except those likelihoods dealing with things like breaking out the day before college graduation. I was all over that.)

While I was at the agency for Monday’s aud they found they needed an additional person to work an event that Wednesday night. Talk about great timing, man. If I hadn’t been there I have no doubt it wouldn’t have gone to me. (Especially after seeing who all else it did go to.) They said it was for a Hunting/Conservation* organization’s annual banquet and “Can you show up at 5 to sell raffle tickets?” You’d better believe I can! But I’ll save that for Chapter the Third…

Chapter the Second: Tuesday, 12/2



Tuesday morning, 8 am, I’m out in Glen-something or Green-something. Some -field or -dale. I don’t remember. Point is: I was there. At 8 in the morning. I’m not anywhere at 8 in the morning that’s not my bed these days, so this job? This job was painful. Add to this the fact that I was on Skype until past 2 am the night before while frantically scrambling through my closet looking for Big Girl Clothes to bring to the next day’s shoot.

That’s right. A shoot.

It sounds so cool when you don’t know what it’s really like. And actually– I got to eat a delicious bagel, they treated us to lunch at Noodles where I got to eat my favorite noodle dish (their Pad Thai is EXCELLENT!), and I got to see my friend Libby, so I guess it was kinda cool. :)

The day’s efforts were devoted to filming B roll footage for a Pharmacy’s* version of a televised blog on health related topics. They brought in two other girls, a guy, and me, and we basically spent our day driving around to be filmed having thrilling conversations about our current health insurance plans, talking about what groceries we just picked up, and driving under the influence of distracting elements like cell phones, lipstick, and the aforementioned delicious bagel.

We were the Queens of the B-Roll that day, my friends. The Queen B’s. (BTW: The image accompanying “Chapter the Second” is the top result from Image Googling “b roll.” No kidding.)

And then we all went home.

Chapter the Third: Wednesday, 12/3

browning-citori-525-feather1Drove through crazy amounts of falling and fallen snow to get to a cool German themed restaurant in the middle of nowhere (read: Mequon) to sell raffle tickets for, drum roll please: GUNS GUNS GUNS.

Yup. A huge part of the Hunting/Conservation group’s annual banquet is devoted to fund raising through raffle prizes and auctions and I got to be a part of it, looking every bit the sexy librarian– which would be great if we’d been asked to look like that. As it stands we were actually asked to come looking “glam,” but the only “glam” thing I own is a tin of extravagantly priced pure maple syrup and somehow I didn’t think it’d be appropriate to come just wearing that. It was just too cold.

Got there right at 5 (gave myself an hour for a 25 minute drive and still barely made it with that danged snow :P) and was promptly greeted by a Hottie in a tight-fitting, off the shoulder, sparkly gold dress.


Out of the corner of my eye I see Hottie #2 in a tight-fitting black dress with a leopard print top, Hottie #3 in a slim white sweater dress over boots, and Hottie #4 in a tight-fitting green dress with open toed pumps.

Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

Suddenly my black skirt, long sleeved purple top, and black vest felt woefully Mission Barrel. That is– until a bunch of jovial dudes from their 20s to their 70s started snapping up raffle tickets at a hundred bucks a pop from me and Hottie #4. Boy if that doesn’t make you feel charming as hell I don’t know what will. Especially when you get to do it for four and a half hours while wearing super cute shoes, with a break in the middle for a duck dinner with a side of the sweetest, craziest cranberry dish I’ve ever tasted.

And then we all went home.

*I’m not sure if I can publish some of these company names, and I’m not sure if I should publish the others, so for the time being I’m playing any and all identity cards close to the vest…


In Other News…

songs-from-the-depths-of-hell-coverI’m typing all of this up at my desk with Alfred by my side and suddenly feeling quite sad. Almost abandoned.

It’s a gross feeling. An empty feeling. I don’t like it, and I don’t want it.

And it strikes me now that I don’t have any clue how people who suffer great and genuine losses are able to channel their emotions into poetry, dance, plays, films, paintings… How do you do that? When even just the sting of the unknown is impossible to parse, how do you open real heartache to reveal a sonnet, a song, a story?

I find it remarkable. Utterly remarkable.

And I find I’d perhaps better stick to just blogging about what kind of milk I’m buying and what my stuffed walrus is or is not up to. If you can’t write about something, write about nothing. Write? Right.

And In Yet Other News…

I’m starting a new blog entry in about 20 minutes because this is about to get terribly long and awkwardly disjointed.

Sunset Playhouse: Mid-season Musical Auditions

Looking for some good comedic singers/actors for next week’s auditions.  Please pass on the message!

I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change

A hilarious musical revue by Joe DiPietro and Jimmy Roberts
January 16-18, 22-25, 29-February 1, 2009

This musical comedy pays tribute to those who have loved and lost, who have fallen on their faces at the portal of romance, and those who have dared to ask, “Say, what are you doing Saturday night?” Act I explores the journey from dating and waiting to love and marriage, while Act II reveals the agonies and triumphs of in-laws and newborns, family car trips and pick-up techniques of the geriatric set.

SUNSET PLAYHOUSE announces auditions for their mid-season musical, I LOVE YOU, YOU’RE PERFECT, NOW CHANGE. Auditions will take place Monday, November 3, from 7-10 pm and the following Monday, November 10, from 7-10 pm at the Playhouse, 800 Elm Grove Road. Callbacks will be held on Tuesday, November 11. Roles are available for two men and two women looking in their 30s-40s. Bring 32 bars of sheet music in your key; an accompanist will be provided. Be ready for some movement and be prepared for readings from the script. The show will be directed by Mark Salentine, with musical direction by Donna Kummer. Rehearsals begin December 15-January 15, usually 7-10 PM, Monday through Friday, with some weekend times. Show dates are January 16, 2008, through February 1, 2009, Thursdays through Sundays. For more information call (262) 782-4431, ext. 302, or visit

(The original audition notice was not in the media, so please forward this message to other interested parties.)


I’ve seen this show done before and it really is pretty funny. :) And Mark and Donna are great to work with! So if you live in the Milwaukee area and are looking for something to audition for where you get to do a li’l singin’ and dancin’, you should totally check out this audition.

Adventures in Auditioning

I auditioned for a show at a local community theatre tonight and I have to say it feels like things went fairly well. There were two characters I was interested in, and while I only got to read for the one of them once, I got to read three or four times for the other character and got to stick around ’til the end. So… that’s a good sign, right?

Jobless as I am… sigh… I figured since I had the time I’d attempt to do my hair for the audition. (If you know me, you know spending time doing my hair is a little out of the ordinary for me.) I’m not *all* thumbs with hair styling, but I am *fairly* thumby about it. But tonight? Tonight it worked and I am so danged proud because if it hadn’t I’d’ve gone wearing my hair in a bun.

Like I always do.

Every day of my life.

Since I was 16.

And because I am super proud, here’s a pic of the finished product. Ta-da!! :D And when I arrived at the theatre I was so glad I’d bothered because Jenny and Nicole both looked HOT and I would’ve felt like such a disrespectful cad if I’d shown up in my usual, semi-casual audition clothes. :S

My fingers are crossed pretty tightly on this one. With everything going on everywhere else in my life it has become even more helpful to have something to go to in the evenings. To be a part of something where somebody needs me and where I can contribute something real, check tasks off a list, see a project to completion.

There’s just so much going on these days that can’t be “completed.” So much that can’t be checked off so we can move on to the next thing. To be able to be a part of a process where you can see something through from beginning to end– it’s a beautiful thing. A therapeutic thing. A thing I need.

I hope it happens…

There were a few familiar faces there this evening, which was nice. Several people I haven’t seen face-to-face in months, though sometimes I forget that’s the case since I see most of them online on a fairly regular basis.

One o’ the ol’ familiars was a woman I did a show with at that same theatre last… May? June? It was great catching up with her. She’s got so much going on in her family right now- a major illness and a teenager with a newly acquired license; yipes!- and apparently there’s more to come. That seems to be the story of a lot of people’s lives these days; intensely difficult situations blindsiding families and we all just sit back and go “Well. That happened. Goodbye everything… So what’s for dinner?”

Talking with her I wasn’t able to really talk with anyone else before the auditions started, which actually really bugged me. Sometimes I forget just how much my social life is entrenched in the theatre until I miss an opportunity to reconnect at an event like this, and the absence of those connections hits me like a ton of bricks after the fact. I mean- Jenny K. was there and we’ve been friends for 7 years. Did we exchange more than two sentences? Nicole G. was there. Did we exchange more than one? I didn’t even get to read with either of them!

One of the people I got to read with tonight who makes me hope even more that this works out is a girl who tried out for the younger sister of one of the main characters. Gem of a girl. She just closed a show there and I can only imagine she was great asset to it.

I just reread what I’ve written here so far and it’s all so vague that I’m bored reading it and I’m the one who wrote the darn thing. *sigh* I just don’t like putting certain details into blog entries until I know how things are going to go, you know? Maybe I’ll come back and insert names and links after I know if I made it to callbacks, or, if I make it, I’ll wait until after they’re over.

26 years old and I’m still afraid of jinxing things? Ah phooey on that.

And now to even things out, a picture of my favorite stage makeup ever. When I originally tried it out I knotted buttonhole thread and stuck it into my eyebrow blood and told people in the caf I’d gotten my eyebrow pierced and that the piercing had ripped out when I took my sweater off too fast. Granted it all looked a little different then than it does here, but… close enough, yeah?

Vague and pointless entry: Over.

Of Walruses and Bloody Ducks

Today’s Vlog:

A project that could’ve been, and a possible upcoming audition.

Should I go for it? Do the audition? I have until mid-September to decide… Help!



I’m at home watching “Enchanted,” drinking a Wild Berry wine cooler, and eating Easy Mac.

i would rather be… um… I can’t think of any place… I know I’d rather be somehow else, if not somewhere else. :S


Yes, she looks tired and ill, but give Madonna a break. That’s what happens when we women hit 50.

(I tested that link a few times and sometimes it just doesn’t work. No idea why. The article is by Liz Jones and is on the Daily Mail website.)

“And do you know what? This rampant ageism really hurts. I was in the hairdresser the other day (the demented, feverish need of all women past the age of 35 to have our roots retouched every 14 days is as oppressive as foot binding) when the young colourist dared to say: ‘The white regrowth is really obvious, I wonder you didn’t wear a hat!’

I would have been quite within my rights to opine: ‘Well, at least I’m not fat and wearing a ridiculous mini skirt and prone to varicose veins because I’m on my feet all day.’

I could have said all this, but I am sure if I had jaws would have dropped noiselessly around me.

When I challenged the young woman, wondering whether, as I was a paying client, she might have been a bit more tactful, she said, affronted and surprised: ‘Would you prefer it if I wasn’t honest?’

Well, yes, I would, actually, you dim cow. And I would be very grateful if designers and stylists and photographers and magazine editors would stop holding up 16-year-old children as some sort of ideal we should all aspire to.

Yes, teenage girls don’t have deep grooves running from nose to mouth, or thinning eyebrows and really stubborn white whiskers, but neither do they have wit, or conversation, or mystery, or opinions, or experience, or memories, or money.”