celebrities

A Sexy, Star-Studded Wordle


WordPress keeps tabs for you on what terms people search for in Google that bring them to your blog.

I am a big fan of Wordle.net.

Slap those two together and: Ta-Da…

sex-and-celebrities-wordle1

Above is a word art image I created by pasting in every celebrity and “blue”  search term that has brought people to my blog into the “Create” box at Wordle.net. It’s interesting to me to see what people are looking for, and who they’re looking for, from the seeming privacy of their home computers. It’s a strange thing being able to take a peek at that. For reference’s sake I’ve included a copy of the “pasted searches” in list format below. Fascinating.

And not just a little creepy.

And for those of you wondering: The bulk of the search terms (647 total as of the date of this post) that bring people to my blog have to do with ferrets, dunlap syndrome, theatre, names of people I’ve acted with, and quotes from Carrie, Death at a Funeral, Hellboy 2, and Waiting For Guffman.

Yep. My blog’s a veritable treasure trove of information on the tippiest toppiest of intellectual pursuits.

Without further ado, the list I used to create the above image:

aishwarya rai
beer girl images
belly flab (exact search appears 3 times)
boob growth videos
flat chest
flat chest girl
forgi sex
girl belly flab
girl naked outside
heavy legs
hot hot body image
itchy pantyhose (exact search appears 5 times)
jake gyllenhaal
jennifer aniston (exact search appears 2 times)
jessica alba exposed
jessica alba my space
jessica alba naked
jessica alba sex
jessica alba sex wallpapers
jessica alba wallpaper
jessica alba xxx (exact search appears 5 times)
jessica aniston bare arms
jessica de alba
karen kay 3rd shift
karen kay third shift
karen kay third shift pictures
kyra sedgwick
megan fox (exact search appears 2 times)
megan fox acne scars (exact search appears 7 times)
megan fox has bad acne scars
megan fox peoplepost
megan fox unclothed
megan fox’s picseries
nude flat chested females
nude photos karen kay third shift
omg jessica alba
pantyhose (exact search appears 7 times)
pantyhose and boots
pantyhose in the shower
pantyhose itchy
pantyhose or tights or stockings or nylons
pantyhose required
pantyhose zoey
porn page
porn_y
rape
see through shirt jessica alba
sex xxx jessica alba
sexualviolence.tv
show free clips of women wearing jeans so tight a guy can hardly put his hand inside them
skinny actresses (exact search appears 2 times)
street harassment
super-skinny naked lesbians
third shift karen kay
tori spelling (exact search appears 5 times)
totally nude girls
undressed women porn pics
xxx wallpapers
xxx wallpapers of actress
zoey deschanel (exact search appears 8 times)

For a total of: 1 search a piece for Aishwarya Rai, Jake Gyllenhaal, and Kyra Sedgwick; 2 for Jennifer Aniston (+ 1 for “Jessica” Aniston); 4 for Karen Kay (the sports radio announcer, I’m assuming, and not the romance novel author); 5 for Tori Spelling; 9 for Zoey Deschanel; 13 for Megan Fox; 15 for Jessica Alba; and 18 for pantyhose

I think it’s interesting to note that when searching for Megan Fox, arguably to many the most attractive person on this list, people are searching for her in conjunction with alleged physical blemishes (ie. acne scars) more than half the time (8 out of 13 searches). What does this say about “we the searchers”? Thoughts? Opinions?

Oh give me a home…


So many things to cover today I hardly know where to start. Oh wait, yes I do. I’ll start with JLo because JLo always comes first.

Jennifer Lopez

Jennifer Lopez Reveals Details of Her Pregnancy

Jennifer Lopez says she was “selfish” for the first time in her life while she was pregnant…

To which I can only respond with a resounding “bwahaha.” The first time, Ms. Lo? Really?

She goes on to describe how she told her husband to “take the reins,” giving further credence to my theory that she’s a domineering control freak since, apparently, she “held the reins” prior to the pregnancy. Last I checked a marriage was a partnership. What- she think she’s Ben Hur?

“‘I love doing things for you; if I’m not cooking, then I’m picking out a shirt. But this is the first time in my life where I’m just going to be a little bit selfish,'” she told Anthony, who turns 40 on Sept. 16. “‘I don’t know if I’m going to have kids again, so I want it to be a beautiful experience. I don’t want to have any drama. I want to just be smiling every day.'”

Listen, honey: If your 39 year old husband needs you to pick out his shirts, there’s something wrong with the both of ya’. And that’s very charming that you intend to have a smilingly drama free pregnancy. How many mothers did you consult to conclude that fairy tale was remotely attainable?

The article goes on to say that two weeks prior to giving birth Ms. Lo had a book of photos made of herself  as a gift to her 39 year old husband. You know– the guy whose wardrobe she chooses? I actually think this isn’t a terrible idea in spirit, but you know how when certain people do things, even things you really like, you can’t help but shake your head? I’m filled with an “it figures” feeling on this one.

But then, that’s usually what I get from reading about the exploits of Jennifer Lopez, so I really shouldn’t be surprised any more.

The English Language (read: “Ha Ha Suckers”)

Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo

Because there’s nothing quite as entertaining as offering up a big “Screw You!” in the form of irritating word play to hordes of school children studying this crazy language in classrooms across the country, we have the ability to create sentences like the one linked above.

I first saw this sentence a few years ago with a highly literate friend and I don’t recall that we ever did get the damned thing figured out to any degree of real satisfaction. To save yourself the mental trauma of deciphering the tale of the buff’lo, you can follow the link above for a full run down, or peruse my handy dandy summary (from the linked page) below:

“Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.” is a grammatically correct sentence used as an example of how homonyms and homophones can be used to create complicated constructs. It has been discussed in literature since 1972 when the sentence was used by William J. Rapaport, currently an associate professor at the University at Buffalo. …

[T]he sentence when parsed reads as a description of the pecking order in the social hierarchy of buffaloes living in Buffalo:

… THE buffalo FROM Buffalo WHO ARE buffaloed BY buffalo FROM Buffalo ALSO buffalo THE buffalo FROM Buffalo.

Makes perfect sense!

Peter Fox

The awesomest video you haven’t seen, unless of course you’re one of the at least 1.5 million people who have seen it:

From the text accompanying the video post: “Das neue Video (Official Content) von Peter Fox zu seiner ersten Single “Alles Neu”. Ab dem 15.08.2008 in den Läden! http://www.peterfox.de”

Wordle

I’ve been seeing these word cloud pictures popping up with greater and greater frequency lately and finally bothered tracing them to their source.

The site is www.Wordle.net and the gist of it is you insert text, or a link to a site with an RSS feed, and Wordle runs the text or link through it’s black magic algorithms to produce a word cloud of the words used in that text or linked page, with the words appearing according to their frequency of use. You can control the fonts used, the layout, the colors. It’s a pretty neat little thing, really.

Naturally I had to make several of these as soon as I discovered the site because I do not have it in me to not interact with every eToy that crosses my path. When I’ve got things all wrapped up here I’ll make one using the contents of this post.

Oh- looks like that’s right now. Enjoy!

RUTH SMAAAA*yawn*AAASH


You know that part in “Princess Bride” where the albino coughs out “the depths of despaaaaair”? That line has been in my head all day. That and “some I murder, some I let go.” At least the second line can be sung, and it helps to have music… in something… somewhere…

The depths of despair. I’m in them.

And then there’s this nonsense for when you need the world to make just a little less sense

1) Does this face look like the face of any woman you’ve ever known two months after giving birth (nsfw)?

2) Do these arms look like the arms of any woman you’ve ever known in any capacity ever?

3) This body. How is this body… existing? Where’s the justice? I know these people have all the time and money in the world and can just skip out on being normal people and devote countless hours and dollars to improving their appearance and I shouldn’t get too upset about it when it’s not really a level playing field.

But I can’t help it!

This just makes me angry. It makes me furious. It makes me want to scream and throw things! I hate this. And as much as I hate to say it, I’m really beginning to hate her, too. To hate all of them. Every last one.

I know I know– they’re “nice people,” “friendly,” “so down to earth for Hollywood,” blah blah blah. At this point: I Do. Not. Care. The world isn’t Hollywood. Stop teaching us to strive for and value only those things which are Un-real and not of ultimate importance anyway. Stop dangling unattainable perfection in front of us at every corner , all the while forcing the implication that it is not only possible but also necessary.

Boy I tell ya’– if that town burns down I will mourn the loss of the classic nostalgia pieces, and laugh with joy that the seat of this industry is in chaos. I know I know– I have friends who make their living off of this industry in different ways. But what they do isn’t “Hollywood.” It isn’t this nonsense. They make art, not “Naked Teenage Cheerleader Exhibitionist Lingerie Models Being Attacked by Equally Naked Lesbian Vampires With A Penchant for Busting Hip Hop Moves Before Attacking.” My friends don’t need Hollywood.

But then, with the direction things are going there: Who really does anymore?

The problem I have with being fed such a constant diet of people/images like this one of Alba, this one of Fox to the right (this is her after being instructed to gain 10 lbs…) is that it’s like– Okay. It’s like this:

It’s like eating strawberry flavored candy that has 10 x the strawberry taste of the real thing. You still like natural strawberries (especially if you can dress them up with sugar or chocolate or whipped cream…), but after a while even as good as they are they’re just not sweet enough to quench this desire you’ve cultivated for that intense, ultra-sweet, strawberry flavor. The candy contains traces of the real thing, sure. But it’s all so processed and there’s so much added to it that a real piece of fruit just doesn’t have, that you really can’t compare the two.

But that’s what happens with this glut of these people/images always before us. There’s so much that you can add into these people’s lives that you just can’t have with regular people- the heaps of sugar and the Red No. 3. But when we’re fed such a constant, steady diet of the way they are, the way they behave, look, dress, talk– we think it’s attainable because they’re human and we’re human and we’re told we’re all equal so… But the similarities end there. We *can’t* be like them. Men are told to want them, women are taught to want to be them. But it’s impossible.

I’m afraid I will never be loved for being a real strawberry. For something else I “really” am? Sure. But for being a real strawberry? Seems less likely every time another celebrity bounces back post-partum.

And I feel bad for every last person who can’t enjoy real strawberries any more, because I know they’re still good, no matter how sweet (eye)candy can be.

Enough already. Enough empty shaking of fists. It’s just a front, isn’t it? Isn’t it always.

You know what the problem really is? The problem really is that I want things in my life to start working, and my greatest fear is that everything that isn’t working, that everything that’s falling apart is falling apart because of me. Because of something I’ve done. Or something I’ve neglected to do. Like everything’s crashing and it’s all my fault. My big, fat, lazy, selfish, narcissistic, stupid, guilty fault.

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ETA: I’ve gotten a surprising amount of feedback on what was intended to just be a nice, blow-off-loads-of-steam little rant, but most of it in the form of private messages from guys ‘n’ gals of all ages and backgrounds on Facebook so I’m the only one getting to enjoy the incredibly beautiful, hope-inspiring, and utterly refreshing sentiments these little notes contain. But to each of you who’s voiced their opinions on these topics- you guys rock, and it should be little wonder why I call you each a friend. :)

“May I help you with anything else, Mr. P’jones?”


I’m watching the special features on Galaxy Quest (hooray library DVDs!) and the supporting cast is full of surprises.

Rainn Wilson is in it as one of the tag-along aliens, ‘cept he has maybe two lines in the whole thing (aside from a few that only made it as far as the deleted scenes), as is Dian Bachar of all things Trey Parker and Matt Stone. Then there’s Justin Long as a nerdy kid who helps save the day, and Corbin Bleu portraying one of the main characters when he was a kid (no joke: have they lightened his skin for all those High School Musical movies?).

Next up: Guess Who with Bernie Mac and Ashton Kutcher. Watch it tonight? Save it for tomorrow? Still debating.

Is it still only Monday? No- it’s Tuesday. Right? Is it Tuesday. I’m not kidding: I literally have no idea when I am right now. None.

Calendar check: It’s tuesday. And Tuesday means: Just put in the second movie and stop all this back and forth.

Ooh. A preview for Rent. Good good goody. >:| We’re off to a great start…

I’m still trying to decide on a layout for this blog. I’ve found a few I like, but they all auto-insert widgets I don’t want and I don’t know how to get rid of them, or I want them but don’t know how to move them around.

How do I make ten thousand dollars by the end of the month?

Not that I am in some kind of desperate situation and in need of an immediate $10K so please don’t start emailing me asking what disaster has befallen me! It would just be awesome to have $10K in the next 20 days. Heck- I’d even settle for half that. See? I’m reasonable.

In other news: The picture to the right? What is this: Attila the Gyllenhaal? Jake the Hun?

For some reason this image makes me feel absurdly uncomfortable on so. many. levels.

What the crap is this all about anyway? Are they filming a warrior flick or vacationing? And how is it that he looks like a 3rd century eastern European mountain man and she looks like an underpaid baby-sitter in the Hamptons?

ETA: Apparently I was so totally right in my line of questioning about Jake G. Are any of us surprised? I should think not!

Of Walruses and Bloody Ducks


Today’s Vlog:

A project that could’ve been, and a possible upcoming audition.

Should I go for it? Do the audition? I have until mid-September to decide… Help!

Well??

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I’m at home watching “Enchanted,” drinking a Wild Berry wine cooler, and eating Easy Mac.

i would rather be… um… I can’t think of any place… I know I’d rather be somehow else, if not somewhere else. :S

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Yes, she looks tired and ill, but give Madonna a break. That’s what happens when we women hit 50.

(I tested that link a few times and sometimes it just doesn’t work. No idea why. The article is by Liz Jones and is on the Daily Mail website.)

“And do you know what? This rampant ageism really hurts. I was in the hairdresser the other day (the demented, feverish need of all women past the age of 35 to have our roots retouched every 14 days is as oppressive as foot binding) when the young colourist dared to say: ‘The white regrowth is really obvious, I wonder you didn’t wear a hat!’

I would have been quite within my rights to opine: ‘Well, at least I’m not fat and wearing a ridiculous mini skirt and prone to varicose veins because I’m on my feet all day.’

I could have said all this, but I am sure if I had jaws would have dropped noiselessly around me.

When I challenged the young woman, wondering whether, as I was a paying client, she might have been a bit more tactful, she said, affronted and surprised: ‘Would you prefer it if I wasn’t honest?’

Well, yes, I would, actually, you dim cow. And I would be very grateful if designers and stylists and photographers and magazine editors would stop holding up 16-year-old children as some sort of ideal we should all aspire to.

Yes, teenage girls don’t have deep grooves running from nose to mouth, or thinning eyebrows and really stubborn white whiskers, but neither do they have wit, or conversation, or mystery, or opinions, or experience, or memories, or money.”

Saint Brigid?


“Politics is not the art of the possible. It consists in choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable.”
John Kenneth Galbraith

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Why isn’t she allowed to say “the Muslim community was “destroying our country and imposing its acts”.” Why must she pay thousands of euros for that?

I don’t care what religion you’re referring to; if you think its presence in your country is an entirely negative one, or perhaps only encourages certain negative things, you MUST say so, because few things in this world- organizations, ideologies, etc.- have such deeply seated, far reaching influence on mankind as his religious beliefs.

I mean– look at this country. Look at all the awful nonsense that’s been pulled since people first landed here, all in the name of the Christian church. I’m a Christian and I have a problem with people doing that, and with the particular things they’re doing. And I expect people who aren’t to have an even bigger problem with that.

They should speak up, and so should I.

And so should Brigitte Bardot.

Loser?! Wut?! WUT?!?!


“Most men are within a finger’s breadth of being mad.”
Diogenes the Cynic

What a loser.

And continuing with the theme…

I watched this video again today and I can’t believe how funny it still is to me. I mean– it’s been a good year since I first saw it, and I’ve seen it since then, but it never ceases to amaze me how glad I am that 1) Kevin Federline knows how to operate a camera, and 2) that Britney Spears knows about time travel.

Britney: *Smack!* *Shake!* WUT?! WUT?!?!

Lesbian? I thought she was a pisces…


I’m  watching Bend It Like Beckham.

I’m supposed to be watching One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest but the library didn’t have it.

Figures.

So far “BILB” is…  well… It’s not great. Keira Knightley is skinnier in this flick than I’ve ever seen her, and not in a good way. I’d love to look about half as thin as that myself, truth be told. But honestly dear heart: Put a bloody shirt on. You look unhealthily thin. In that white top? Super cute. In the sports bra? Not, erm… not your best look. Maybe that’s how she looked so cute in those Pirates movies: She was clothed.

The main girl is a cutie pie herself. Is that leg scar/plot point real?

I think I want to hang strands of Christmas lights parallel across my living room ceiling. Ah- but how to plug in the ends?

It’s not a bad story. I mean– it’s a bit predictable in that standard film fare kind of way, but enjoyable nonetheless ’cause of the cultural differences you get to see depicted in a very non-let’s-celebrate-diversity kind of way. Always fun.

Angry Momma: Get your lesbian feet out of my shoes!
Indian Grandmomma: Lesbian? I thought she was a pisces…

I totally want an Indian wedding, minus about 80% of the gayness of the way the straight guys are dancing. The gay guys can dance as gay as they gay well please. But the straight guys? Come on, guys. Less hip swaying, more obnoxious machismo and posturing, if you please.

Hm… For anyone who doesn’t know me that probably sounded fairly awful…

Whoa! I just recognized an Indian actress! How weird is that?? It’s this older woman who plays the grandmother in Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam!

Oh no. Don’t you dare do the predictable Indian movie ending. Oh no you don’t… Oh phew!

Yeah. Cute moments, but don’t bother unless you can rent it for free from the library.

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I’ve moved on to Time Bandits. Wow– what a cast list. I’m literally just up to the title flashing onto the screen and am already wondering if I should pause this to enjoy it with other people this weekend. This is awesome.

You people are too much. Please quit.


“It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious.”
Oscar Wilde

I’m watching 300 and marveling at my ability to eat so heartily after getting a cavity filled without totally chewing up my cheek.

My awesome impressions of 300:

  • The wife has this weird mouth/accent/movement thing that reminds me of Keira Knightly and it’s really annoying. Also, her speech to the council: how was that to be convincing? Cheap, trite, played little sayings. Her only good moment in that scene was when she killed that guy who sold out to Xerxes. All in all, she was fine but forgettable.
  • And at least she didn’t have big, fake boobs. I get kinda tired of that. Of super skinny actresses with impossibly large boobs.
  • The armor plated rhino and elephants? Kickass.
  • Xerxes? Gay.
  • Leonidas? Weird pecs. But the yelling is inspiring I guess.
  • The Immortals’ arrowheads that look like insects? Very cool.
  • Xerxes’ face rings? Gay.
  • The moldy looking hunch back guy who sells out the Spartans? Moldy looking.
  • Xerxes’ gold thong? Gay.

I wouldn’t want to be married to a guy who looked like one of the Spartans. Can you imagine? Ick. You can’t go out to eat with a guy who looks like that because seriously: what can you both eat that you’ll both enjoy? Physically fit? I’ll take that. But looking like one of these guys? I think you just have to give up too much of what makes you enjoyable to be around (like all of your free time) in order to have the time to gain this kind of build for it to be at all enticing to me. I see these muscles and immediately think: Boring.

So yeah. The dentist. Awesome. I’ve never been afraid of going to the dentist. I’ve always kind of enjoyed it, actually.  And this new place was no different. My really sweet dentist’s name is Rachel, and her assistant, Kamil, was great, and Amy the hygenist was a hoot. And thanks to my health insurance the whole thing only put me back like $70 bucks. Not bad, right?

For my video game loving friends.

Went out with Nicki (the brunette) and Angela (the redhead) last night for St. Patrick’s Day.

Nicki is awesome. Angela is her awesome friend who went with her to see “Butterflies Are Free” the second weekend, which I thought was really sweet. :)

After a while we met up with one of the guys from work and his wife and a few of their friends at the HOG.

Good times, but our presence was required back at Hannon’s, so we flew.

Mostly we just hopped around amongst 4 different places that are all right there next to each other and enjoyed the gloriously warm (35 degrees) night air before calling it a night around midnight or so.

I think I’m liking 300 better with the commentary underneath it.

It’s good, but it’s just not really my kinda flick in general. Big surprise, right? But hearing the people who made it talk about how they made it? That totally appeals to me. :)

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Dear Movie Stars:

WTF?

You raise your children to think they really are not like anyone else in any way, like they are special because of who you are. You cannot name them Susan. You cannot name them Thomas. You must name them Nahla Ariela. Because they are too unique to be called by a name anyone else may ever share. Or because you want them to grow up to marry the Lion King.

You people are too much.

Please quit.

Sincerely,

Getting Kind of Annoyed

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In other news… it appears she’s always been kinda trampy, no? My dad said he saw some news story about her that said her sob story about coming from a “broken home” was her way of sharing the fact that apparently she crashed her dad’s Porsche and cried at him to replace it and he wouldn’t so she left home. Yeesh.