links

You are collectively my “It’s Complicated”


Shot a… um… a “thing” today for a health show on Lifetime, but I’m sleepy and it’s not a terribly exciting story so I’ll save it for later. In fact- I’m saving everything for later. Screw story, screw format, screw points of interest. Bah! Bah, I say! I’m here, it’s late, I’m exhausted but still up. Time to traverse the web and bring back links for my readers and friends.

Will the links be awesome?

Naturally.

Should you like them just because I did?

Of course.

Is our friendship effectively over if you don’t visit at least two of the links provided?

Undoubtedly.

And so it begins…

College Humor

The first few links are from CollegeHumor.com, an exceptionally funny site. But no fair following these links and getting distracted by other links on their page. You’ll leave the rest of the links here feeling all left behind and lonely… and unwanted… and unloved… and a little fat…

Viral Video Politician: “A Presidential candidate does his best to get views for his video.”

If The Other Party Wins: “One thing’s for sure: the person you disagree with is going to ruin the country.”

Hardly Working: The New Girl: “Facebook changes everything.”

YouTube

Moving right along to my second love (after Barraco’s), is YouTube. Ah YouTube. Eternal fount of all things embeddable and mind-numbing.

Tiny Tim singing Rod Stewart’s “Do Ya Think I’m Sexy”

Shuga Lee Lewis singing Jerry Lee Lewis’s “Great Balls of Fire”

I’m almost embarrassed to admit how much I laughed at and enjoyed that second one. And I didn’t even forward through it. Heck no. Watched the whole thing. Twice.

“A mark, a yen, a buck, or a pound”

Our Tax System Explained: Bar Stool Economics: “Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this…”

Milton Friedman discussing the concept of Greed on Donahue in ’79

The American Recession as Explained By a Canadian: “Much like breasts, economies can never be too large, which is why it’s important that they’re always slowly growing, and one of a few reasons why we’re so disappointed that breasts don’t.”

And so we can end this blog entry joining together in a few moments of “Holy. Freaking. Crap.”: Smart People Stuff…

Science and Technology

The Ghost In Your Genes: Basically says that stuff you do may find a way into your genes and get passed on to the kiddies. Wowza.

Children’s Faces As They Play Video Games: Minus any commentary from me one way or the other, or advocating or denouncing anything from the article itself, I’m including this link for the sole purpose of linking you to this kinda crazy video footage.

What Color Eyes Would Your Children Have?: I think this is how I’m going to determine who I have kids with- you know, in the event that I should decide I’m a sadist- so I’m guaranteed to have green eyed offspring. Because let’s be honest here: Don’t green eyes rock harder than any other eye color?

That’s it. I’m all learned/laughed out. You’re on your own from here.

“They will give it a pat on the back and the cow will go away crying.”


“Never explain–your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway.”
Elbert Hubbard

“The price one pays for pursuing any profession or calling is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side.”
James Baldwin

“Setting a good example for children takes all the fun out of middle age.”
William Feather

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I was so excited about this morning. I got up at the same time I always do, but somehow managed to get out the door seven minutes earlier than usual! I was going to stop for a coffee at McDonald’s on the way in, do a little emailing before work– it was going to be great.

This dream? Dashed to pieces.

I’m in the garage pressing my door opener button, and nothing’s happening. I pull up to the door, hop out, and press the garage door opener attached to the door itself, but still nothing’s happening. Crap.

I went upstairs to find the number for the facility manager. Got his voicemail. Natch. His message contains an alternate number for emergencies, however, so I call that and get him at home and explain the situation. By this time I’m back downstairs and there’s another girl trying to get out.

So Matt… or Mike… I think it’s Matt… walks me through where the maintenance ladder is kept over by the boiler, which cord on the door to pull, which part will swing down when it releases so I’m not standing under it, which this to pull, which that to push, and then I’m supposed to physically lift this massive, industrial garage door. :P

So I get the ladder out and the other girl gets out of her car (To see if I need help? To mop the sweat from my brow? To commiserate?) when we hear the mechanism for the door make some internal whirring sound. I’ve just put the ladder in place so I take it down and we both run in case it’s someone about to drive in from outside- you know, like maybe their controller was able to activate the door?- but luckily there was no one there. The fool thing had just started working on its own. For no reason. When no one was pushing any buttons. :S

So I put a dust pan in front of the sensor to keep the door *propped* open and we both took off before it might decide to just close for the heck of it the same way it had arbitrarily opened with no coaxing.

And that’s why I was late this morning. I promise.

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Florida School Security Officer Tasers 11-Year-Old Girl: What’s’a matter with people? Who taught that girl she could behave that way? *sigh* Read the article. Bitch had it coming to her.

Lawyer: Woman Forced to Remove Nipple Rings at Airport: This is stupid and embarrassing. What decade are these TSA agents stuck in? #1 for requiring her to remove them, and #2 for laughing about it. Idiots. Poor woman…

FOUND: In Hevan: Sad. Sweet. Us.

FOUND: Hi! My Name Is Freedom: Funny Comments.

Women Are People Too: What Susan B. Anthony knew that Gloria Steinem doesn’t.

Dallas Can’t Close Strip Club Where Girl, 12, Danced: I know some girls can look pretty mature even at a very young age, but come on! 12?! How tall was this chick and how huge were her boobs that *anybody* mistook her for being 18??

Raul Castro: Cubans Can Have Cell Phones: I– what? They couldn’t have cell phones before? What? How can– what?! *Gah!*

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I can’t get over this guy. I can’t figure out what to think. I know he’s a YouTube *celebrity* and whatever for being… like this… but how do this many people sit through this many of his videos this many times for him to ever achieve this celebrity? YouTube… what a strange…

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Breakfast: Water, Cheddar Cheese Sandwich Crackers, Water, Coffee, Water

Lunch: (Unintentionally) Soft Boiled Egg Salad on Super Duper 89 Seed Mega-Dense Flax Colon Blow Bread (Official Name), lemonade

I’ve consumed so much water the past few days it’s a wonder the town’s not issuing shortage notices.

*I will be healthy I will be healthy I will be healthy I will…*

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Ladies: Another try for tonight? Movie or something at my place? I have “The Darjeeling Limited,” “Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger,” and “Scrooged,” and a hankerin’ for some Topper Stix, speakin’ o’ being healthy…

One singular sensation? *pffft* I’ll believe it when I see it…


I’m watching “A Chorus Line” (the movie version, not a taped version of the stage show) and man I just don’t get it. These songs SUCK!!

And I’m trying my darndest to judge them after taking into account my personal music preferences which include a marked absence of synth-drums spewed from the bowels of hell circa 1983. I’m talking about the songs themselves– they’re… bad. Maybe they get better later on? Right now the black guy is singing that “Surprise” song. But so far? Oh God. Just tripe. Boring tripe. With crappy lyrics. Just awful. And 93% of these people can’t sing their way out of a Ziplock!

Like this “Val” woman in the peach bikini thing? Oh geez. Acting like this makes me want to run away from the theatre forever just in case I might have to see acting like this in person. Actually: *meeting* someone like this in real life is worse than seeing it faked on stage. Oh God, Valeries. All of you: Please please please stay far away from me.

The dancing in this movie, on the other hand, is super cool. I’m very impressed– some people can just *move*, you know? Too bad most of the acting is so far from pedestrian it’s still toddling.

And the costumes (ie. the actors’ “audition clothes”) are fun to see. Don’t like them as much as the clothes in “All That Jazz” (which I watched last night). At least both the 70s and the 80s provided the world with an equal abundance of materials and cuts that are unflattering to the booty. Unless, you know, you like a rear end that looks 47″ high.

Also: all these people are so painfully too-old to be saying they’re the ages they are. Either that or something about being 24 in 1985 made EVERYONE mysteriously gain a minimum of 10 years in the face.

Dude in the blue tank and flesh-toned pants needs to find some slightly larger pants. *shudders* Ain’t nobody in here needs to be looking that far up your colon. And Cassie? In the frizzy hair “Let Me Dance For You” scene? Time to lop that nonsense off.

Come on, Attenborough. You can do better than this garbage. Er… right?

Okay. It’s over. Only song really worth watching: the last one. And the part where they walk up to the mirrors and then walk away with their “reflections” and it just keeps growing? Yeah– that was cool. But uh: just that.

I’m watching one of the extra features now. The guy who wrote the music is talking about the show. He’s cocky. Don’t like him.

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History’s 10 Most Horrifying Contraceptives: “… Again, you have to remember that ancient civilizations existed mainly to disgust the future.”

And, courtesy of James’s Stumbling: lookatthisdog on Flickr

Knockin’ ’em out


“All charming people have something to conceal, usually their total dependence on the appreciation of others.”
– Cyril Connolly

What is up with these motivational poster parodies being everywhere all of a sudden? Seriously! I mean, I know that if there are this many out there it means this didn’t just start up recently, but boy are they making the rounds right now.

Found this site. Lots of ’em. Some funny. Some lame. The following win:

Muslims
Heights
Awesome
Protest
Vagina
Muslims

Justice
Islam
Pro Choice
Good Parenting
Potential

See? Funny!

Unless the links got all messed up. In which case: Whoops!

Watching Beyond The Sea. And then later I’m moving on to The Lion In Winter. My goal for this spring is to catch up on movies I  haven’t seen that make people’s jaws drop when they hear I haven’t found them, and on the movies I’ve wanted to watch for ages and have been skipping because I wasn’t in the right mood. Screw the “right mood;” yesterday was my birthday and I watched “The Hours” and “Finding Neverland.” There’s no such thing as the “right mood” this Spring. Just movies. Knockin’ ’em out, man.

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I’m watching last week’s episode of LOST online and they break for commercials every once in a while and they keep playing this HP commercial with Gwen Stefani doing a voice over about how hard creativity is to come by and… harajuku dolls… and printers… I don’t know. I’m not really paying attention to her. Except to the fact that when she talks she kind of sounds like a younger, more subdued Bif Naked. Particularly a younger, more subdued Bif Naked reciting “Isabelle.”

“I shot an arrow into the air…”


“I know a lot about cars. I can look at a car’s headlights and tell you exactly which way it’s coming.”
– Mitch Hedberg

“I shot an arrow into the air, and it stuck.”
– Graffiti in L.A.

So is this a job posting or a personals ad? Who does this guy think he– where does he think he is? What– this is Brookfield, man! What a– Ugh.

Chavez Warns of War With Colombia

CARACAS, Venezuela (AP) – Warning that Colombia could spark a war, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez sent tanks and thousands of troops to the countries’ border Sunday and ordered his government’s embassy in Bogota closed.

The leftist leader warned Colombia’s U.S.-allied government that Venezuela will not permit acts like Saturday’s killing of top rebel leader Raul Reyes and 16 other Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia guerrillas at a camp across the border in Ecuador.

“Mr. Defense Minister, move 10 battalions to the border with Colombia for me, immediately- tank battalions, deploy the air force,” Chavez said during his weekly TV and radio program. “We don’t want war, but we aren’t going to permit the U.S. empire, which is the master (of Colombia) … to come to divide us.”

He ordered the Venezuelan Embassy in Bogota closed and said all embassy personnel would be withdrawn. It pushes already tense relations between the South American neighbors to their lowest point yet, with potentially far-reach effects on billions of dollars in cross-border trade.

See Also: South America on brink of war

Police baffled as human feet wash ashore in Canada

OTTAWA (AFP) – A severed human foot has been found in Canada’s westernmost Gulf Islands, marking the third such discovery in six months stumped police said Saturday, noting all three are right feet, size 12, male and shod in sneakers.

Cook County Board Approves 1% Sales Tax Hike

Early Saturday, Cook County Board President Todd Stroger struck a deal with board members, who approved a 1 percent increase in the sales tax – driving Chicago’s overall sales tax to double digits at 10.25 percent, easily among the highest of any big city. And it will be enacted just in time for the Christmas shopping season. …

Business leaders and others predicted immediate negative ramifications.

“Chicago now has the unfortunate notoriety of having the highest sales tax in the country, and our region will now be a more expensive place to visit, live, work and operate a business,” said Jerry Roper, head of the Chicagoland Chamber of Commerce. “The people of our region should be outraged.”

Iranian Internet users face blockage during coming election

The Iranian government might block private access to the Internet for the general legislative election on March 14, two Iranian news outlets reported Monday. …

Iran has placed many restrictions on the Internet, but it has never shut down the Internet on such a scale. Several million Iranians follow political news on the Internet, and political parties have their own active Web sites.

In 2006, the authorities banned download speeds on private computers faster than 128 kilobytes per second.

The government also uses sophisticated filtering equipment to block hundreds of Web sites and blogs that it considers religiously or politically inappropriate. Many bloggers have been jailed in the past years, and dozens of Web sites have been shut down.

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Met with our health insurance guy this morning to review a few things. Wow. What an amazingly, intricately, over-priced bunch of hassle ‘n’ nonsense.

Did you know that health insurance costs are generally the second most expensive bill for most employers, second only to payroll itself? For us it’s number 3 in line after workers’ comp, which is atrociously high for most construction fields, roofing included. So if you ever feel you’re being ripped off by a construction company with a  bill that’s clearly higher than the cost of the materials themselves, relax and just sign on the dotted line. They’re not screwing you over to gain enormous profits. They’re paying their insurance…

I could never in good conscience vote in favor of universal health care. Nope. Now that’s not to say I don’t want people to be able to be cared for when they’re ill or injured or whatever, but universal, government sponsored health care? That is NOT the way to do it. Not in a million years. In fact, I don’t think I can think of a single worse way to do it. Oh good Lordy Lordy.

I was meandering through a page of old SU links today and came across this one by the now late William F. Buckley Jr. on one of John Edwards’ old speeches about wanting to provide universal health care coverage. Interesting article. Definitely one worth reading. A bit lengthy for a casual glance, but follow it start to finish for a glance at a few of the bumps in the road that *must* be reviewed before you can really proceed in any kind of conversation about universal care. Worth the four minutes you’ll put into reading it, anyway. :)