Clue Remake?

Miss Scarlet, Col Mustard, Mrs. White, Mr. Green, Wadsworth, Prof Plum, Mrs. Peacock

I was watching Clue for the 239th time last night when I started thinking how truly awful it would be if it someone were to remake it.

It’s not just that Hollywood can’t be trusted to refashion a classic comedy like this without dumbing it up with a bunch of hot-bodied, unfunny 24 year olds recently spewed from the Disney Machine. There’s also the fact that the actors who played the roles in the original created such completely iconic characters that seeing anyone else play these parts would leave audiences (read: me)  feeling like something was missing.

I mean– Harrison Ford’s not the greatest actor of all time, but when somebody else gets chosen to play Han Solo in a remake of the original Star Wars trilogy there’ll be mutiny! Actually, I think a remake alone would cause riots…

I fear the announcement of a Clue remake is only a matter of time, however. Particularly as the 25th anniversary of the original December 13, 1985 release date nears. (And yes, I will be throwing a Clue party. Start working on your costumes now, folks.) If/when the (inevitable/horrifying) remake announcement is finally made, who would you want to see cast in each of the parts, and who would you want to see direct?

Better yet…

The classic comedy Clue is being remade and it’s your job to cast the movie and pick the director!

When did you get so cool?


  1. Every character must be assigned an actor to play that part (see below for a full list).
  2. All potential actors and directors must be living and feasibly usable (ie. No tapping Roman Polanski to helm the project).
  3. No casting from Gossip Girl or its ilk. (If you have to ask if a particular show/movie qualifies as being Gossip Girl-y: It qualifies.)
  4. Megan Fox is out, out, out.
  5. So are Christina Applegate, James Marsden, and Matthew McConaughey.
  6. If your chosen cast is deemed too attractive you will be forced to make a trade. (Ex. If Angelina Jolie, Scarlett Johansson, Brad Pitt, and Tyrese Gibson are all in your cast: It’s time to make some trades.)
  7. If the comedic skill of your chosen cast is deemed questionable, you will be forced to make a trade. (Ex. If Lindsay Lohan, Steven Seagal, and Nicholas Cage are all in your cast: It’s time to make some trades.)
  8. It is not necessary to select additional personnel (Executive Producers, Cinematographers, etc.) for the movie. It is, however, allowed (Jennifer Champagne).

THE CHARACTERS (Original Actors, Age during filming)

For extra credit you can cast solely from people you follow on Twitter, fave YouTubers, coworkers, local actors, or varieties of cheese. (Beers and breads of all densities are also welcome.)

Now get casting!

ETA: Getting some terrific responses– you guys rock at this! Just wanted to post a link to oceandoot on LiveJournal who fleshed out his response with pictures and quotes.

The title is the hardest part

Had an audition today. My hopes are low, but it was great getting out of the house, out of the ‘sha. They said they’d let me know one way or the other fairly soon (my last audition with them they let me know the very next day), but I think I already know…

The upsides? Auditioned opposite an awesomely talented actor, two very nice, pretty, and far-cooler-than-I women chatted with me in the lobby, and the woman directing the show hugged me hello. I know nice people do nice things like that to everyone all the time, but when I spend so much time by myself and then meet those nice people and they do those nice things to me it just throws me completely for a loop and makes me happier than I can stand and I absolutely love it.


Inside Bella Caffe'

Met up with Parmanifesto at Bella’s afterwards. For as excited as I get at the prospect of seeing him you’d think I’d make ways to do so more often. *sigh* I am a lazy ass. Anyway- while there I enjoyed a yummy (but pricey!) pumpkin spice latte, the last several swallows of which I had to leave behind in my cup because they were *chunky,* for lack of a better word. It was fantastically hot and tasty up ’til then, though. But boy that’ll teach me to splurge when I really can’t afford to do so; the real thing is rarely as good as one’s memories of it. :P

*Geh* My hands still reek from pulling mounds of wet, sloppy onions off the turkey sandwich I bought there. *shudder* What’s wrong with people?! Onions? Piles of them?? On an otherwise delicious sub?! Boggles the mind.

Which way?

Which way?

Stopped at the library on the way home. First thing to greet me was a $20 bill lying in the middle of the main entryway. I brought it to the front desk so the owner could claim it and apparently if no one does so in the next 30 days then they call me up and the twenty is mine. Woo hoo! That’s heat for a week! :D

Picked up a PBS documentary on Frank Lloyd Wright and “Parlez-vous Francais? Learning French: The Basics.” Here’s to a rockin’ good time in front of the TV with Alfred tonight. Perhaps even better than last night’s “Murder, She Wrote” 4 episode marathon, including the Season 3 “Magnum PI” crossover. Ooh that Jessica Fletcher. She’s a crafty old gal!

I currently owe the Waukesha Public Library $6. $2 for a documentary about the Kindertransports, $3 for a documentary about living with/dying of AIDS in the 80s, and $1 for a Vincent Price flick. Yeesh.

Had an interview for an office job yesterday afternoon. Remembered to remove my nose stud and put my phone on silent. Two points for me! The typing test, which featured a missing-word-typo, threw me a bit by requiring a double space at the end of each sentence, and the Excel test marked two of my answers wrong in error. And the Word test? Don’t get me started. What year of Office is this test based on? The 1965 punch card roll out? It went well all-in-all, though. The place is less than 3 miles from my apartment, (Joy!), and the position starts at 8:30 am and lets out at 5 (Rapture!). They said I’ll know within a week or so if I got the job or not. Here’s hopin’.

This onion smell is making me sick and my coffee breath is positively rancid. It’s times like these I’m glad I live alone so I don’t start losing friends over my inadvertent pungency.

“Dorris Tanner just likes horses…”

Should an opportunity arise to ever take part in “The Children’s Hour” in any capacity I shall be forced to turn down said opportunity on the grounds that I will not survive the run. This is almost harder to watch than “The Crucible“!


Why can’t the old woman listen to them? Why does she refuse to entertain the possibility that she’s wrong? That her awful wretch of a granddaughter who always lies might’ve been lying about this as well? Or that Lily is a crazy, stupid, self-centered old hag?

And ohhhhh mah Looooooord I want to smack! that Mary child and push! her off the balcony. Slap her lousy lying face and put her out in the street where she belongs! *whining, obnoxious, lying little…*

GAH!! I hate movies like this!

I didn’t know this is what I was in for when I rented it from the library. I just saw it on the shelf, and I’d heard folks talking about having done this play but had never seen it so I picked it up, and now I want to go to every elementary school in the area and ask who all the little girl bullies are and knock their heads together. Them and all the yellow bellied, scream-crying little gnats that let themselves be pushed around by them.

Why is this making me so mad? Am I just getting too much caffeine? Goodness’ sake… But have you seen this thing, though? I mean, really!

And real life is hard too, right now.

7:37 pm? Bed time already?

One day I will be old, and my life will be ending, and I will wish for my youth again, but I will never wish to revisit 2008. Or 2009. Or 2010…

ETA: The movie just ended.

The universe owes me an apology.

If you’re gay, or sensitive, or God help you if you’re both, don’t watch this movie with me because I am going to be screaming so loudly at the screen about injustice and being who you are the whole time that you’ll just leave in emotional shambles vowing never to watch another movie with me because it’s just too draining.

“May I help you with anything else, Mr. P’jones?”

I’m watching the special features on Galaxy Quest (hooray library DVDs!) and the supporting cast is full of surprises.

Rainn Wilson is in it as one of the tag-along aliens, ‘cept he has maybe two lines in the whole thing (aside from a few that only made it as far as the deleted scenes), as is Dian Bachar of all things Trey Parker and Matt Stone. Then there’s Justin Long as a nerdy kid who helps save the day, and Corbin Bleu portraying one of the main characters when he was a kid (no joke: have they lightened his skin for all those High School Musical movies?).

Next up: Guess Who with Bernie Mac and Ashton Kutcher. Watch it tonight? Save it for tomorrow? Still debating.

Is it still only Monday? No- it’s Tuesday. Right? Is it Tuesday. I’m not kidding: I literally have no idea when I am right now. None.

Calendar check: It’s tuesday. And Tuesday means: Just put in the second movie and stop all this back and forth.

Ooh. A preview for Rent. Good good goody. >:| We’re off to a great start…

I’m still trying to decide on a layout for this blog. I’ve found a few I like, but they all auto-insert widgets I don’t want and I don’t know how to get rid of them, or I want them but don’t know how to move them around.

How do I make ten thousand dollars by the end of the month?

Not that I am in some kind of desperate situation and in need of an immediate $10K so please don’t start emailing me asking what disaster has befallen me! It would just be awesome to have $10K in the next 20 days. Heck- I’d even settle for half that. See? I’m reasonable.

In other news: The picture to the right? What is this: Attila the Gyllenhaal? Jake the Hun?

For some reason this image makes me feel absurdly uncomfortable on so. many. levels.

What the crap is this all about anyway? Are they filming a warrior flick or vacationing? And how is it that he looks like a 3rd century eastern European mountain man and she looks like an underpaid baby-sitter in the Hamptons?

ETA: Apparently I was so totally right in my line of questioning about Jake G. Are any of us surprised? I should think not!

Ferrets in Tights

I’m sitting at home after work, just wasting time on the internet, when who should call but my mommy wanting to know if she and my dad can take me out for ice cream.

Yes! For the love of God yes!

We went to Oscar’s, which I haven’t been to in ages, and I got a faaaabulous chocolate custard shake with Reese’s Pieces in it. Mmmmm… We talked about the opening ceremony of the Olympics… and ferrets.


I told them about my desire to bring home a member of the polecat family, and about how I’d gone to Pet World the day before to meet a few, so my dad suggested we stop by and take a look. The first one I’d held yesterday, a male with patches of brown, was already gone, but the two white females were still there. The one I’d held yesterday kept climbing on top of the other while she slept and gnawing on her ears trying to wake her up and get her to play. But Sleepyhead just wasn’t having it. I mean– the one on top was literally holding the other’s cheeks in her mouth and pulling on them with her teeth and the sleeping one would. not. get. up.

I sensed a kindred spirit in Sleepyhead. ;)

Ooh! Check out this neat blog I found on ferrets! The page I linked to is full of misconceptions about ferret ownership, all of which I’ve been offered as reasons not to get one. *yays quietly*

After my folks dropped me back off at my place I went to Blockbuster to use one of my free rentals for the month. *sigh* It’s a trip that never ends well. I can find things to rent at Blockbuster online- sure, fine. But I can spend a half hour in the store and still go home with nothing, or with something I care nothing about seeing.

And it doesn’t even matter that no one would know what I was renting. No kid movie, no teeny bopper flick, no hyper-emotional romance, no anything is too embarassing to rent because who’d know? I can literally take home anything in the store. And yet? Nothing. I find nothing.

So I picked up Robin Hood: Men In Tights to watch for the 27th time.

As is my wont, I traversed the net while watching my movie. I forget where I was- I swear it was some news article page- when I saw a link to an article about a pole dancing class in Georgia or Texas or some other hot state I have no desire to live in. I did a search for similar classes in my area and found a place that offers six weeks of once weekly classes for $85. I think I might sign up. I just, you know, won’t be able to buy groceries in August.

*meh* I’d been wanting to go on a diet anyway…

6/17/08 Firefox 3 Beta Release

Running the Firefox 3 Beta and so far I’m digging it.

Love the “Awesome Bar” and the bigger “back” button.

ETA: OMG, dawgs. So. Much. Faster.


I’m watching “AFI’s Top Ten Top Tens” with my folks and so far it’s enjoyable, but there are some commentary actor choices I just don’t understand.

1) JESSICA FREAKING ALBA: What does she know? About anything at all? What does she have to say about movies that’s worth hearing? She’s a mediocre actress (I cringe to say that knowing she’s better than I am and will always be infinitely more successful than most people I will ever know), a painfully mediocre interview, and kind of a dip. She seems like a nice enough dip, but still: she’s a dip all the same. Let’s hear from someone with something relevant to say.

2) JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT: Almost as bad as Alba showing up on this list, but at least she’s done more and done it better than Alba ever has. But “I Still Know What You Did last Summer”– aaaaalmost unforgivable. Like “Rise of the Silver Surfer” unforgivable. Almost.

3) Vanessa Williams: Um… what? Whatever. Who cares. Whatever.

And then there are the interview/commentary choices that totally make sense- Isabella Rossalini, George Lucas, James Earl Jones, Lesleyann Warren.

And every time I see Ray Liotta I picture the top of his skull being removed, leaving his brain exposed to be eaten by Anthony Hopkins.

But geez– Jessica Alba? Why don’t we just make Justin Timberlake president of the Academy and call it a day.

Sisters, sisters…

I’m watching “Once Upon A Mattress” over a slice of reheated frozen pizza. Yum yum yum…

The pizza’s almost as good as it was last night. Ain’t life grand?

As for “Mattress”… I figure I keep hearing people who’ve done the show talk about it and I was curious what all the fuss was about. And boy if renting it for free from the library don’t beat the heck out of spending $15 to see some crummy, two-bit production at a community theatre nobody quite knows how to get to, I don’t know what does!! ;D

And can you believe Tracey Ullman was FORTY-FIVE when they filmed this latest version?!

And now, my sisters and me:

Monday Monday *bah bah bah-bah-bah*

“Boy it sure is Monday…”

I’m watching “The Road to Wellville” and wondering what on earth I’m going to do about “Wait Until Dark.” I gave one of the dullest, most uninspired reads of my life tonight.

I just don’t know to do with her, who she is, what’s going on… I felt like such a dope. :S

I’m very excited about it, though, because three of the actors in it gave *awesome* reads. One of them, Randall, and I were cast in a show together several years ago, but something came up and he had to leave the show so we only worked together for about a week. He’s got this great vocal quality and a very fun read on his character.

The other two, Brian and Matthew, were in a show together last season, and I’ve done a couple of shows with Matthew myself, and they’re going to be great too! They’re both creepy in all the right ways. Very. Creepy.

God I hope I figure something out. And fast…

Geez. Aside from the weird food and the colonics, I could totally do this whole Road to Wellville thing.

Minus Dana Carvey’s George character, too. *jibbly jibbly jibbly* The kid who plays young George is also weird looking. Very weird looking. I almost don’t know which George is creepier, really.

I could go for some Ramen noodles. Perhaps– perhaps I shall have some…

Walk Hard

I’m watching Walk Hard and am flabbergasted at how oddly quotable it is. An over-extended parody? Perhaps. But fun nonetheless.

And the visual gags fun.

I’m liking this. I had my doubts. But I’m honest to goodness liking this. Not loving it. There are things missing. But definitely liking it. Yep.

And is that the guy from Napoleon Dynamite playing the radio DJ?

Har har. Frankie Muniz as Buddy Holly. And quite a few familiar faces from “The Office.” That’s always fun. :)

Oop! Another funny thing happened- gotta go.


“Coming home from very lonely places, all of us go a little mad: whether from great personal success, or just an all-night drive, we are the sole survivors of a world no one else has ever seen.”
John le Carre

Tuesday: Juno
Wednesday: My Knees Were Jumping: Remembering the Kindertransports
Thursday: Silverlake Life: The View From Here
Friday: You Should Be So Lucky

So my rent won’t go up if I get a cat, but I *will* have to pay a $200 (refundable) deposit. And I still might not even be able to get one because it would be my first cat and generally they only let you have a cat here if you already had it. And it must be spayed and declawed. :P

We went out on the boat today after work. It was raining outside, and a bit windy. There was EE from work and his wife and two of their kids, and AS with fishing poles, and my mom and dad. We only went out for about an hour, hour and a half. And now– man I’m exhausted. I was so tired all day today. I had a coupon for a free entree at Noodles so I went there for lunch and then went back out to my car and slept for about 40 minutes.

But it wasn’t really sleep. It was– rapid-laying-down, you know what I mean? Like- I lay down and my heart was racing and I was exhausted and could barely sit back up I was so stinkin’ tired!! But something just wouldn’t let me fall asleep, exhausted as I was. I’m falling right to sleep at night these days. What the heck is up, man?

Flying to Texas on Monday around 12:15 in the morning. Or at least that’s the plan for now. It’d be so much cheaper if we could fly even just one week later. I’m going with one of our techs to pick up a few things from the warehouse down there, and then we’ll be driving it back up in one of our Sprinters we have down there.

What was it like to be in the medical profession in the 80s? All these people suddenly all dying at once of AIDS and nothing you’re doing seems to help at all or make anything better…

Shooting Mrs. Carmody

Watched The Mist. Wanted to shoot Mrs. Carmody.

Watching Iris. Wanting to be Judy Dench. And Hugh Bonneville and Jim Broadbent are amazing in their portrayals of young and old John Bayley.

“You know many secrets now, Iris…”

It’s very quiet here when I get home. I talk to Alfred a lot in the evenings, but I’ve noticed he doesn’t tend to have much to say in reply. I don’t really want a roommate, and Mr. Right has yet to come ’round to love me and boss me around and all those other very nice things fellows often do. As such, I’m thinking about getting a pet.

Fish also have precious little to say, and there are times when I’m not around often enough to manage a dog (which I don’t even know that I’m allowed to have in this building anyway). Birds are charming, but obnoxiously talkative, especially after Alfred. And while I really like lizards and snakes and things in principle, I’m after something a bit more mammalian.

But oh my God if I get a cat I’ll never hear the end of it.

On the one hand I have mild allergies and my family would tease me for being 26, working for my dad, living alone, and adopting a feline.

On the other hand, I like the idea of having something moving around in the apartment so when I hear noises at night I have something to attribute them to, and soft things that make noises on their own are nice to see, and I want to care about something that will die before me, and I’ve always liked my friends’ kitty stories.

There are lots of places in the area I can go to adopt a cat that’s already had it’s shots and all that. I wonder… I wonder…

I’d have to see if I could even have one here, and how much my rent would go up, and then dump a boat load of money on cat food things and poo things and collar things…

My head hurts. And this movie is awfully sad. I don’t want to go to bed, you see. I just want to already be asleep.



I want to download a free video capture program and I don’t know which one to use.

I downloaded Video Caster 3.4 but when I use it I don’t know how to make it so you don’t hear the instant (but slightly delayed) playback while recording because then I end up with an echo in anything I record. Use this? Know how to make that stop?

I downloaded Video DVD Maker but I couldn’t understand what I was looking at. Everything’s in very non-userfriendly, pre-Web 2.0 format and it’s all in *shorthand* so it did me no good.

I downloaded Debut again but I’m having the same problem I had before– the sound is about a second ahead of the video and I don’t know how to fix that.

I bought Magix Movie Edit Pro 12 today from Best Buy, but I want to make sure there are no free alternatives I should be looking for before I open it up because the guy at the counter said you can’t return opened software to Best Buy. :P

If you’re familiar with MMEP12 and think it’s probably worth a shot for a novice, I’m all ears on that possibility too. I mean– I *did* buy it, after all. I’m willing to use it!


And because I’m awesome, here you go: Strong Bad’s Cool Game for Attractive People, or SBCG4AP on Wii.


I just e-filed my Federal taxes for free with TurboTax and I’m getting money back AND I qualify for the $600 tax… thing…y. Hooray! Oh man– this is just in time, too. Phew!

I’m a tax loser and it still only took me about a half hour.

Last year I had someone else do my taxes because I’d worked part of ’06 for a CA company while living in CA, and part for a WI company while living in CA, and part for a WI company while living in WI. I couldn’t keep up with what I needed to do. Plus I’d had to file an extension and had only been able to afford a partial payment.

There. That’s my justification for not doing my own taxes last year. :P

Anyway: because I had an accountant do my taxes last year for 2006, on a lot of the forms TurboTax asked me to refer to, well- I don’t have them. I have summary documents so the info isn’t laid out the same. It would’ve been a lot faster tonight if I’d done my own taxes last year and had all the standard docs laid out in front of me.

All that to say: if you need to file your taxes still and you’ve got your own docs, TurboTax was super easy, will be much faster for you, and Federal doesn’t cost a penny to prep or e-file.

State filings cost $35 to e-file, but those are the ones that are easier to file on paper, right? I haven’t looked through my forms from the library yet, but those aren’t as involved, no?

Yay for a tax refund!! =D

ETA: State = So Much Easier

Still did it through TurboTax instead of on my own, but hey: It’s filed. It’s done. In about 2 weeks my state refund will be direct deposited along with my federal refund. And you know what? That’s awesome. And easy.


Just finished About Schmidt. I liked it. I liked how it started. I liked how it developed. I liked seeing Kathy Bates naked. I liked how it ended.

And now I’m going to bed. So leave me alone.